Day 013: I Want to be a Saint and a Great One!
I’ve been trying to figure out what it means to Live Not Ordinary for over a year. I don’t know why it took so long, but yesterday, when writing about Saint Typical’s, I knew I didn’t want to be Saint Typical. I knew I wanted to be a Saint (which is nothing new to me), but I knew I didn’t want to honor and love God and mankind by being Saint Typical. I want to be a Saint and a great one!
it’s a little scary to think about that and more scary to put it into words for all the world to see and mock. There are many times people, myself most of all, will look at me and point accusing fingers. I am not worthy of being a saint. Do I know that I have X, Y, and Z’ed? Who do I think I am?
What’s worse is that we’d all be right in those accusations! I am a fallen, low breed sinner, no different from anyone else.
i’m not sure that I can explain what makes me hope to be a great Saint. I say my rosary every day, but I’m not sure I’ve ever said it with full focus for all 50 beads. I stop by Church every day, but I go to just sit and enjoy quiet time with Jesus and the people who love him more than to pray. I go to Mass at least once a week, but after receiving the Eucharist, each time, I think of how I don’t comprehend the fullness or reality of what I’ve just done.
How can I become a Saint never mind a great one?
If I could truly see the sins I’ve committed against my fellow man, or even against my own beloved children, I’d be horrified. There would be no hope.
Even still, for the longest time, I’ve thought about how I can’t wait to get to Heaven and just sit, even if it’s in a corner far away from our Lord. Just to be there, would be such an honor. To know I had a special seat in the Lord’s house, a seat I did not deserve and could not design for myself…I cannot put into words what that would do for my happy soul. The idea makes my heart glow happily every time I think about it.
Yet how do I get there?
I’ve always thought Saints were obscure. I’ve assumed they were not created to be average. I guess what I’ve always thought, is, that Saints were just made differently. Like My Mary, who was cut from a different cloth even before she was born. I’ve thought the Saints were the same, and that getting to heaven, and being crowned a saint just sort of happened.
On the contrary, I’m starting to believe we were all made “average” but that average is much higher than any of us realize. It’s like saying we are all C students, even though we’ve all earned grades in the 20’s because 20% is the new average when we were created average with an average of 95% being the norm.
Thinking about about Saint Typical’s changed some of how I considered attaining Sainthood. As I listened to Father’s podcast and wrote the post, I realized how much I have built up the church of Saint Typical and how weak that’s made my Church and me too!
It’s easy to point fingers at others and say what our priests, bishops, and cardinals should be doing. It’s easy to be disappointed with and critical of our Pope. I’m not against calling out wrong doing, especially when it turns people away from God and the Church and toward Hell.
But one thing I know from my study of overcoming, is that you don’t get ahead by focusing on outer circles. Instead, you need to focus on yourself most of all, and then a little on your circle of influence, family, friends, and hardly at all on outer circles. It’s like tossing pebbles in the ocean when I could be move boulders from my own shores. The pope will not change because I point fingers. The only finger-pointing that should be done should be me pointing at myself.
I don’t want to attend Saint typical’s. I don’t want to be Saint Typical, and in God’s perfect timing, I recently heard a quote by a Saint, who had declared while living, “Lord, make me a Saint, and make me a great one!”
I’ve tried, searching to find out who said this, but I can’t find the quote anywhere. Oh, the humility I am offered even as I determine to strive for sainthood!
I thought of the quote as I wrote about Saint Typical‘s, and I realized while I hope to make it to Heaven and sit in that little corner even if it is far away from God, trusting His warmth to reach undeserving me, living as Saint Typical would not show the honor and glory and love that I want to give Him. To do so I need to choose in every moment to not live as Saint Typical but to live a Saint Not Ordinary.
I realize the Saints, though chosen by God, were faulty. We have plenty of stories of sinners turned Saints. None did so under theor own power. If I become a Saint and a great one, I will also not do so under my own power. Each Saint made choices that may have seemed small but were powerful overtime. Each great Saint made a decision to Live Not Ordinary by choosing to do what is good. Each showed God commitment to the Him, to His Truths, to offering hope and love to humanity, and to live an existence of resilient good. Each faced trials, tribulations, and temptations, and through humble self-awareness, consistent self-discipline, unfailing commitment, unwavering focus, and clear direction, mixed with a whole lot of Grace, each chose to live, not the way of the world, but the not ordinary way of God.
I, like Saints before me, cannot do any of the above under my own power. I feel the voices of evil, telling me I’m not good enough, I’ll fail, I am arrogant for wanting to be a Saint never mind a great one. The ridicule my setting great Sainthood as my Live Not Ordinary goal.
At the same time, God is quiet in this moment. It is not the quiet of rejection, but the quiet of confidence. It is in this confidence of the Lord, that I put my hope.
I choke up as I write this. I have so many skills I’ve learned that can help me act in the way of a Saint. What a waste it would be if I simply used those skill to better myself or even to better humanity. Instead, I can use my skills to show the Lord I am serious and want to know, love, and serve Him on Earth and spend eternity with Him in Heaven. I can pray He has allowed me experiences to toughen and strengthen me. I can now pray He uses me, even if that makes me a target for His enemies. I can pray to leave behind Saint Typical to become Saint Not Ordinary because He, who has the power and mercy to lift me, a lowly worm with a lot of learning but no divinity or perfection of my own, to Heaven.
Becoming a Saint is not arbitrary. It begins with a commitment, a willingness to be a target, and a unquenchable desire to be close to the Lord and share that closeness with others as well. I can use my skills and learning to foster my commitment and strengthen me when I am targeted. I can be grateful God’s given me the gift of thirst for Him when I have pleaded so long for it. I can rely only on Him to move me the rest of the way toward sainthood. I can be thankful for my trials which teach me the courage, commitment and LOVE for God and His creatures, JOY in all circumstances, and PEACE to surpass all understanding. I can find hope to become a Saint, not Saint Typical, but a great Saint, not for myself, but for God and those He Loves. I want to be Saint Not Ordinary and help as many souls to Heaven as He can. That makes me smile, knowing His power and considering how many souls He can be led to Heaven while using me as His vessel.
Lord, make me a Saint and a Great One, and when you are done with me here on Earth, bring me home to You where I will happily sit in a little corner knowing I am so undeserving of my little slice of Heaven but so enthralled by the Love that reaches even lowly me who so little deserves to be there.
Lord help me Live Not Ordinary, make me a Saint and a great one!
Gratitude Journal – April 23, 2023. Thank you Lord for…
- Meema coming to Church with us!
- Father R.
- Trust You will use Father R wherever he goes.
- Coffee hour and seeing my friends.
- Z making breakfast.
- Hope You will bring Z and the boys home too one day.
- Arriving at Mass early. It really does change things.
- Finding the smelly bucket of fish guys and maggots the boys left in the garage.
- Not beating them when I found it!
- The opportunity to practice the patience and restrain a Saint (and a great one!) when my boys leave fish remains in the garage for two weeks!
- My desire to be a Saint and a great one and the hope that You will give me that crown.
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