I went to a funeral Mass today. I didn’t know the woman who passed away, but I’m friends with her family. Even without knowing her, it was obvious the woman was very special and her family loved her very much. By the end of the homily and brief closing words after Mass, I’d gotten a small glimpse into what a wonderful woman this lady was.
Later, I thought about what would be said at my funeral and what I’d say at another’s. I thought about what I would say at the funeral of someone I did not like or someone who had hurt me.
Would I be charitable? Would I hold my grudge? Would I hope this person went to Heaven? Would I pray this person received more Justice or more Mercy? Would I pray to spend eternity with this individual?
I questioned what those answers would say about, not the deceased, but about me. Even if I told no one my answers would influence my thoughts, words, decisions, and actions. They would influence how I treated those who hurt me, which would, subtly and over time, seep out into what others saw in me, how they treated me and how I treated them as well.
I thought about what I’d hoped people would say at my funeral and whether I’d be worthy of good comments.
It was a sobering thought.
I had to face reality. If there is any part of me that wishes for any less said about others than what I wish will be said about me or, even worse, if there is any part of me that wishes for any less than Heaven and Divine Mercy for anyone who has hurt me, then I don’t deserve good things to be said about me at my funeral and am certainly am not worthy of Heaven and Divine Mercy either.
I thought of people who’d hurt me over my lifetime. Thanks to the Holy Spirit and My Mary and a Grace I cannot put into words, I’ve gotten fairly good at forgiving instantly. I’m pretty good about praying for those who hurt me even while my pain is raw, but the thought of others singing the praises of my persecutors or of my spending eternity with them…my aversion to these ideas show me again how far I need to go.
It makes me think…I fail to do what is Good and hurt the Lord in so many big and petty ways each day, yet He never desires any less than eternity united with me. Imagine the power of that Love!
How can I want any less for those who hurt me in big and petty ways?
If I want to call myself a Christian, never mind hope to one day become a Saint, and a great one, I cannot. I must hope to spend eternity with my tormentors and trust Jesus will wash them clean first. We get to see the transformations God is capable of on Earth in Saul to Saint Paul. Imagine how much more transformative He will be in death! I must know that who these people are here is not who they are created to be. How I see them is not how God sees them. I must know in absolute Truth that they will be very different from who they will be when, God willing, they get to Heaven.
I must hope I will be as well!
What would I want said at the funerals of those who have hurt me? Would I want any less than absolute Divine Mercy for them? Would I want to spend eternity in Heaven with them? Could I go that far?
Sometimes it seems almost impossible to wish for, but we know anything is possible with God. This, not cheap earthly accomplishments, is what that verse points to. It is something we cannot do on our own.
Gratitude Journal – April 29, 2023
Thank You Lord for…
- The B family and their example.
- Brother Patrick Mary serving so sweetly!
- The friar singing softly as I received the Eucharist.
- Talking with TB.
- Seeing my hurts differently.
- Divine Mercy for me, my loved ones, and those who hurt me.
- A clean house!!!
- My Pillow purchase that arrived yesterday.
- My Pillow shoes which are on sale and are close to heavenly! Lol
- Annie’s texts.
- Giving blood.
- Tomorrow being a true day of rest.