Some days are full of insight. There are days I can read a biography of an American hero and be so grateful for all that has been sacrificed for us. Other days I can take a course led by a wounded veteran who has become a business and mindset guru and now teaches civilians how not to make victims of themselves. Other days I can login to a free program out together by Hillsdale College or Constitution Alive and be amazed by the wisdom and faith of our Founding Fathers. Still others I can open the Bible to wherever the Holy Ghost decides and find the exact insight for whatever I need to understand that day. Another favorite would be to listen to podcast after podcast and discover gem after gem of history and faith and preparedness and how interwoven they all are.
There are also the days when all of these things work together and your mind is just blown by the amazement of having everything click! These are the days when your mind is at peace but also filled with joy at seeing things so differently. These are the days you go to sleep certain you are wiser and able to see big pictures and minute details so much more clearly than you did just that morning.
Then there are days like today. As I thought all day about what to write and what insight God wanted me to share, I kept coming up empty. I didn’t have time to read the Bible. I was coming to the end of the mindset book I am reading. I had great, fun conversations and even some lessons learned, but none I felt called to share at this time.
I had a full and fun and wonderful day today, but for some reason I did not feel God’s voice helping me know what direction to take in tonight’s post. Where yesterday I was happily moving along as I tried to figure out what it means to live as a Patriot and a Saint, and a great one, today I was ready to throw the whole thing out
I questioned myself and what in the world I’m doing and what people say about me as I come out of my shell in this. I questioned whether I was doing the right thing. I questioned a lot and was tempted to skip writing tonight. I figured no one really checks it anyway so there would be no difference if I wrote or not.
O my Jesus!!! How quickly I am tempted to abandon my desire to become a Patriot and a Saint, and a great one, and to lead others to the same! How frail, how weak, how insecure am I?!?
Here is what I’ve learned from today…Without You my Lord, I am lost. I lack direction. I am easily confused. I am tempted to quit. I make assumptions about You and the plans You have for me. I assume You will quit on me. I quit on myself and on You first to save face, protect my ego, and take the easy way out.
Dear Jesus, instead, I run to you in these moments when it seems you are too busy or preoccupied elsewhere to have time for me, I will remember, You are instead simply enjoying the day by my side. Where I am a child wanting to see the gifts under the tree, You My Lord and My God, You are the reason for the tree On days like this Lord when I seem so unproductive, I will choose to be grateful for the patience You model and that I am learning. I will come to You, not like an impatient child pulling on my parent’s sleeve, but like a child enjoying sitting by my Father’s side.
Father, these moments, help me to realize the Truth of Your plans for me and the Love You have for me. Lord, I appreciate the patience You share with me and the lessons I’ve learned by not learning lessons today. Thank You for the reminder that I don’t need things to go my way to know I am Loved. Lord help me receive and Lovingly give the Absolute Truth of Love and purpose to anyone~Amen
Please Lord, no I love you too and am so thankful for this uninsightful day.
Gratitude Journal – May 23, 2023
Thank You Lord for…
- C vs. M = great game today!!!
- C’s catch! Woohoo!!!
- Embarrassed younger brothers in McDonald’s.
- Talking to J’s dad.
- A few minutes to talk with E.
- Not Snapping back when I wanted to.
- Seeing the ugliness of pride and what it looks like to cast blame on someone else rather than to accept it yourself. The disappointment and sadness and even a touch of…anger? this caused me and how it made me never want to be this way again.
- A day with few insights.
- D asking me to join the book club!
- The Picture of Dorian Gray!